(january catch-all) 2021 IS OFF TO A WEIRD START

[vestigemods]

JANUARY CATCH-ALL

► AT LEAST YOU FINALLY GET TO REST?

Though the new year starts off uneventful enough, with sunny skies and an inch or two of snow melting away with each new day, that good fortune lasts a whopping two whole days. At 5 AM on the 3rd, those slumbering fall into an even deeper sleep, and those still awake (or already awake, you overachievers) find themselves struck with an abrupt and insurmountable wave of exhaustion. It's all you can really do to lie down deliberately rather than collapse altogether, let alone making it to any sort of bed. And this is how the population of the containment zone remains for fourteen whole days, dead to the world (figuratively, of course) and to anything which may or may not be occurring around them.

Then, sometime throughout the 16th, you wake up - though the ambient ache in your neck, back, and joints may make you wish that you hadn't. It's almost as if you slept wrong, or... y'know, slept on the floor, apparently. (At the very least, those who were outside at maintenance time were moved indoors for the duration of it, though they were moved to the nearest available building so... have fun waking up in someone else's cabin, I guess.)

The first time you notice the date (on your phone, or maybe someone else breaks the news in their own confusion or panic), you probably struggle to believe it. Two weeks that you've been asleep. It doesn't feel like two weeks - you're clean, only mildly hungry or thirsty, with only a faint weakness in your muscles as you stand. It almost feels more likely that the Technicians adjusted the date overnight to alarm you. Perhaps you might even believe it, but for the evidence otherwise. The milk in your fridge has expired. The snow outside your door is fresh and untouched, with no sign of your passage supposedly yesterday. And the animals are gone, as well. Perhaps not a sign of how long you've slept, but certainly a sign that something isn't right.

If you expected an explanation, you aren't going to get one. Unless by 'explanation' you mean 'goddamn blizzard'.

A GODDAMN BLIZZARD

Because that's exactly what sets in on the 20th, a gale-force blizzard with increasingly limited visibility. Here's hoping you were smart enough to set out for home as soon as it began, because you aren't given more than a couple of hours before navigating outdoors is damn near impossible, between the visibility issue and the rapidly-deepening blanket of snow. As the afternoon fades to evening, it only seems to be getting worse. Those cabins with appropriately-slanted roofs find that the snow slides down to pile heavily against the cabin's exterior walls and door. Those cabins with a flat or gently-sloped roofs, on the other hand, are at strong risk of a part of their roof (and thus ceiling) collapsing under the weight of all that snow. As if having a blizzard outside the cabin wasn't bad enough.

And then things get just a little bit worse. Just before sunset, the cabins' electricity starts to flicker - just a little at first, but increasing in intensity until it finally goes out altogether a half hour later. This lasts through the night, and while it may seem promising that electricity within the town itself remains steady, that too goes into a blackout just before dawn.

This blackout lingers through the 21st and into the 22nd, cold seeping in through the windows and cracks as you huddle near the fire or generator-run space heater and hope for the best... But even the best isn't pleasant in the slightest. The lack of internal heat lets the doors and windows freeze shut, and snow piles high enough around the house's exterior that you'd have to climb out an upstairs window in order to exit. Not only is it cold as hell, but everyone's more-or-less trapped in it for now.

But not even the cold and the dark can last forever, and the blizzard lets up to a light dusting of snow mid-day on the 22nd. That evening, the power flickers back on as well, but some cabins/apartments/buildings may find that it's less consistent than others, continuing to flicker dangerously throughout the next day or so. But that doesn't mean the ordeal is over yet. The snow may have slowed to an almost laughable sprinkle and the sun may shine warm and bright in the rapidly-clearing sky, but that still leaves each cabin or building piled up with snow nearly as deep as you are tall (except you, Vivi - it's about twice your height). Might want to start digging yourself out, since it'll take nearly the rest of the month to melt down to reasonable levels if you don't.

► MOD NOTES

• This is the January Catch-All Log, for all log top-levels throughout the month. Large gatherings (parties, meetings, etc) are still encouraged to post their own logs for organizational purposes!
  
• This log also encompasses both Annual Maintenance (Jan 3rd - 16th) + Hey, Who Turned Out The Lights? (Jan 20th - 22nd), discussed at the bottom of the January Bulletin.
  
• Because this is a catch-all for everywhere + all month, try to remember to label your top-levels with identifying information like the IC date and location of each prompt (whether in the subject or in the prompt title within the comment), and be sure to clearly indicate event prompts.
  
• ( ! ) For the sake of organization, a top-level has been provided for all Annual Maintenance shenanigans and exclusively those. Please put any shared dream prompts under the top-level for the sake of organization, while any non-dream prompts should be posted as a regular top-level as normal.
  
• Cell phone signal does work during the blackout, but inconsistently! If you'd like to play with the trapped/isolated feelings, feel free to say they can't get a message out/in (or that it takes a long time to do so) even if others are able to more easily.
  
• Any questions can be directed to this top-level or, for a quicker response, to Trace on discord/plurk.

Comments

ghosts & hosts, for Wei Wuxian

[legbreakings]

[ Sandu sinks deep into the chest of the beast - sinking in too fast, too easily, too quickly even for something that is rotten, this feels hollow until he finally meets resistance.

Curious, or maybe just frantic, maybe just feeling closer to madness than anything else, he yanks the sword to make a large slash and cuts open the chest cavity wide to reveal the empty expanse he isn't even surprised to find.

He laughs, a choked, teary noisy, and sinks to his feet. Reaches out and scoops out the heart, pierced right in the middle by Sandu. A human heart, no longer beating now but still warm and gushing blood over his fingers.

And as the heart bleeds over his fingers, something almost like memories bleeds into his mind. There is the cackling laughter, the jeering, there is a voice almost Wei Wuxian gloating as his mother dies and then there is Wei Wuxian, the one he knows, not the one with the twisted smile and cruel voice in a forest, alone...

He died alone. He will die alone. Has died alone. He is dead. Will be dead. Again. Tears flash through his mind, an embrace, a message, a plea for ten minutes...

He will die alone.

Still clutching the bloody heart, Jiang Cheng finds himself staggering into the forest, still uncertain if he actually wants to find him - he laughed! He jeered! Or did he? There is a trail of resentment to follow, strong enough almost to make him nauseous as different contradicting memories blur with reality, all of them only having one thing in common and that is being soaked in resentment, but he stubbornly keeps following that trail deeper into the woods.

He needs to find him, before he dies alone. Again. ]

[mannerless]

( though wei ying no longer runs as he had while he led the creature to meet its end, his walk is much too brisk to even begin to pretend he's out for a stroll in the woods. but it has to be brisk - he feels the furious spirits repelling themselves from him in tatters, one by one, leaving a trail of resentful energy in his wake. this hasn't quite taken, not like the resentment back home. it serves well enough for basic cultivation, but to hold them inside him like this... they fight to separate from him, like oil from water, even as he himself fights to hold them. his body, too, is in tatters. animating himself like some godforsaken corpse is the only thing keeping him on his feet.

but wei wuxian doesn't make it far. not as far as he'd like, not nearly, but he's forced to accept that it's as far as he's going. he's lost one spirit too many, stumbled clumsily to a knee, and there they've all gone in a dispersing cloud of blackened aether. what's left is wei ying, dragging himself the meter or so to the nearest tree and shifting to lie against it with a thin stuttering sound that should've been a sigh of relief. a single glance is cast down at his wounds, hidden by layers of torn and bloodied robe (bloodied enough to see the difference even against the black, which is quite the feat), and he doesn't bother to peel away the fabric to examine them properly. he can feel what they've done to him. his lips curl to a little smile, grim and humorless, and he sets chenqing aside to slip a hand into his pocket for his phone.

a text to sizhui, carefully excusing himself without raising alarm. a text to shijie, slightly more honest. and then he opens a text to jiang cheng. there's- an anxiety in him, however much he might have pretended he has no fear of death (how could he? he ventured there and back, dragged willingly through hell and beyond by the resentful and merciless dead), and that trickle of anxiety has him carefully drafting out words - a request, for just ten minutes. ten minutes of playing pretend.

but he doesn't get to send it. a noise distracts him instead, the clumsy rustle of underbrush and snapping of twigs underfoot, and jiang cheng stumbles hastily into view. and for a long moment, all wei ying can do is stare, mouth parted slightly as if to speak.

this isn't how this goes.

he blinks once, then again, longer, shaking his head a little.

this isn't right. he sends the text, and jiang cheng allows it, and they talk about... ducks, and swimming. they talk about sizhui. have they done this before? )

Jiang Cheng, ( he says, a bit dumbly, but there's something reedy about his voice, thin like the air atop a mountain even as he speaks at something like regular volume. )

[legbreakings]

[ There is Wei Wuxian in front of him all of a sudden when he had almost given up hope of tracking him down in the forest, and Jiang Cheng comes to a sudden stop. His eyes are wide and wild with frantic urgency he doesn't even truly understand, his face still pale from the ordeal he has gone through in the past days.

...if he has. Has he? It is so hard to tell apart the past and the present, to puzzle apart memories true and false.

All he knows with absolute, stunning certainty is ]

I don't want you to die alone.

[ He flinches at the words that pass his lips before he has fully worked up the nerve to release them but now that the damage is done he takes another step towards him, and permits his eyes to hungrily take in the sight of Wei Wuxian - alive, he is still alive. But Jiang Cheng has seen enough men die during the war for stomach-twisting sickness to quickly take the place of that first, sharp burst of relief. His eyes find and linger on the black of his torn robes - wrong, all wrong, and he knows it, he has seen it too often, though usually on blue robes. ]

[mannerless]

( jiang cheng knows that he's dying. he could've assumed as much, given the context, but seeing the look on his face (desperate, urgent) makes it so terribly real - and how did he know? how did he find him here? he isn't even supposed to be here.

and yet he is. he is, he's here and he's saying he doesn't want him to die alone - words that seem to make both of them flinch, wei ying's eyes closing sharply (and sting, a bit damply) as he sucks in a quick shallow breath. oh, this won't do. this won't do at all. he has too little time left to waste any of it crying stupidly.

but his eyes are nonetheless a bit damp as he opens them again, the shallow breath exhaling weakly on a tired but welcoming grin. both hands find the ground (the phone's dropped, forgotten) and - with what very much seems like most of the effort left in him- he scoots himself over a few inches to make room. ) Come sit, then. It shouldn't take too long.

[legbreakings]

It shouldn't take too long?! [ Jiang Cheng echoes it incredulously, somehow managing the feat of his voice both being loud and outraged and yet choked up by emotion. ] How can you talk about this as if... as if...

[ He trails off, too outraged and hurt and his chest too tight to even try and find the appropriate words.

Instead, he falls to his knees where Wei Wuxian has already edged away in wordless invitation to make room for him, his hands tightly clenched in his lap with the effort it takes not to reach for him and shake him and... Somehow demand that he doesn't die in front of him - again. It wouldn't work. ]

You never listen to me when it matters [ he chokes out. ] I told you not to die! [ Actually, he has no idea if he said that, he might have said the complete opposite even, but Wei Wuxian should know. He must know. Certainly he knows? ]

[mannerless]

( yes - it is 'again', isn't it? this familiarity is more than just deja-vu. they've done this once already. twice already, in a broader sense. wei ying finds himself mildly amused by how normal such a revelation feels, in the current circumstances. it's far too existential to be among that which he has it in him to fuss about.

instead, his attention rests on jiang cheng, who all but collapses to his knees in the space where he was supposed to lean against the tree beside him. of course he won't let himself sit comfortably - that would be far too easy, wouldn't it? and they can't have that.

the thought has his grin going slightly fond, and he reaches out with a hand (bloodied, pale, and shaking) to hook a finger into the hem of a-cheng's sleeve, to tug feebly at it. ) No, no, you don't yell at me yet. ( and something about his voice isn't right - it sounds either too breathy or not breathy enough, an odd undertone to it - but he doesn't seem to pay that any mind. ) This is the part where I ask you to pretend for ten minutes that you've forgiven me. And you say yes, don't you?

[legbreakings]

[ He shudders at the tug, not because the touch or even the blood bothers him but simply because Wei Wuxian is so weakened. There should be more strength to his touch, even without a core. But there seems to be hardly enough strength left in him to speak at all.

He swallows hard. I don't want to see this lies on the tip of his tongue. I don't want to be here for this. I don't want to see you like this. Not again.

He swallows hard. ] And I will say yes. Yes. [ He nods, fervently, fiercely, his face all scrunched up with tearful earnestness. He reaches with his other hand for Wei Wuxian's hand grasping his sleeve and wraps his fingers around his bloody ones, squeezing tight. ] But if yelling at you means you can't go yet then I'll keep yelling at you!

[mannerless]

( the protest earns a little laugh-breath that's at least one-third cough, and he shakes his head a bit, extricating his hand from jiang cheng's bruising grip to intertwine their fingers more properly - as they did when they were upset as children and again as they sailed away from the bloodied remnants of their home. it seems fitting now. a mitigating circumstance, or something like that. )

Alright, ( he concedes, the tired, fond little smile still curling the corners of his lips. ) Yell, if you'd like. ( if that's how he wants to spend this time, wei ying can't even be mad about it. at least he's here. he's here and he's refusing to leave. wei ying's quite sure this is supposed to be some manner of nightmare, but it's sorely missed the mark. )

[legbreakings]

[ Jiang Cheng looks down at their intertwined hands, also finding himself reminded of the most desperate moments in their life when they had been holding hands - when he had been clinging to Wei Wuxian much like now, desperate to hold on to him at least even if everything else is to be lost.

And then Wei Wuxian has to go and do... that. The soft smile. The soft words. Soothing Jiang Cheng even he is the one bleeding out - again!

Jiang Cheng hiccups and squeezes his hand tightly again, then brings their interlaced hands to his own chest, pressing them against his heart. ]

I hate watching you die [ he confesses miserably, and no, it may not be a shocking confession in itself, but it still feels like it for the vulnerability he has to admit. For admitting that he cares at all. ] I don't want to see it again. [ A sob runs through him and he hangs his head, shoulders low. ] I just want you to stop hurting because of me. I don't want this anymore.

[mannerless]

( wei ying would've been fine with the yelling. aloud, he even welcomed it. but instead, his hand is drawn to jiang cheng's chest as if to anchor him to this plane. to this life. to these quiet confessions, vibrating quietly in his chest as they reach the air. 'i just want you to stop hurting because of me.' )

Not because of you, ( wei ying says, sinking down just enough so that he's the right height to lean his head on his poor sad shidi's shoulder. ) I hurt because of me. And you hurt because of me.

( wei ying notices now that even so few words have left him out of breath, notices that he can't quite catch it. things feel both light and heavy at once, in a way which they wouldn't if he could draw a proper breath. )

I don't have to die this time, ( he muses. ) This one isn't real, I don't think. A dream - or enchantment, maybe. I could... pull myself back together, like I was before. ( animate himself with resentment, so that even the mess the beast made of his torso is alarmingly irrelevant. if he did that, they could wait it out together. ) I'll-, I'll do that for you, if you want me to.

( but he isn't afraid of death anymore, what little bit he may have been before. in truth, he's not sure how much of the fear of it last time came from those ten minutes of forgiveness slipping away more quickly than he'd thought they would. but now he has quite a bit more than ten minutes, and wei ying (selfishly, morbidly) can't help but wonder what it's like not to die alone. )

[legbreakings]

[ Jiang Cheng, on the other hand, is very much frightened of death, in particular Wei Wuxian's death. That makes it very tempting to take him up on this offer, he is already opening his mouth to eagerly agree before he even knows what he is doing or saying... but then he snaps his mouth shut again and takes a shaky deep breath. Large, teary eyes size Wei Wuxian up solemnly and he slowly reaches out to wrap hesitant arms around him, holding him close as he rests his head on Jiang Cheng's shoulder. ]

Will it hurt? [ he asks quietly, his voice just barely above a whisper. He chews on his bottom lip. He wants to say yes. Everything in him wants to plead with Wei Wuxian to do this so he won't have to watch him die again, but it is just a dream and his fears are so foolish and childish and most of all selfish... ] I don't want you to be hurting yourself for my comfort.

[mannerless]

( he really was perfectly fine just leaning there, y'know. there was no need for jiang cheng to go out of his way. but that's exactly what's happening, their joined hands lifting so an arm can loop around him - and he'll take it. it hurts a little, constricts his lungs a little and makes it a little bit harder to breath, but he'll take all of that, too. at the very least he's done his best to cover the worst of his wounds with his arm so that when the other arm loops around him now to complete the embrace, it doesn't get saturated in blood.

'will it hurt?' dying? wei ying shakes his head a little, though he waits for the rest of the words to finish before he says, ) Nah, it won't hurt. Barely hurts now. ( but the quality of his voice is even more off than before, as if he's trying to speak in such a way to use as little air as possible while still sounding assured. which means it may not come as too much of a shock that - ) I - get dizzy, lighter. Already that, but... more of it. Then I fall asleep. ( there are other parts, he thinks - he remembers being cold, so cold that he shivered a little, probably the blood loss. and he remembers forgetting to breathe altogether, near the end. but those aren't so important, not enough so to waste words. all he's trying to offer is some idea of what jiang cheng is in for here. )

[legbreakings]

[ While Wei Wuxian struggles to find breath at all, Jiang Cheng has no problem sucking in sharp, shallow breath after breath, finding himself closer to hyperventilation than not getting enough air. It is all he can do not to squeeze Wei Wuxian even tighter to him, he can see that even this shift in position isn't comfortable for him yet he can't make himself regret it either.]

But I don't want you to fall asleep! [ he blurts out, and immediately feels so terribly childish and selfish for it. He shakes his head frantically. It's selfish and childish but it's true. He sucks in another sharp breath, this one wet with snot and tears. ] I just don't want to lose you again. I'm tired of always standing by and watching you leave me and then I have to pretend that I don't care, too.

[ But he has always cared. That is his lifelong problem, not caring too little but too much. ]

[mannerless]

Okay. ( a single word, but so terribly decisive despite the fragility underlying his breathless tone. his free hand drops to the ground now, pushing a bit shakily so that he can adjust his position a little, and - ) I won't-, ( but his breath catches, and he sucks in a bit of a gasp that sounds like an attempt not to cough, swallowing hard as he thoughtlessly lifts that same hand to swipe the back across his mouth. it comes away bloody, but he's speaking again (even breathier now, like it's all leaking out instead of just that which he allows escape for words), ) Won't fall asleep. Won't go anywhere. But-, ( the breath catches again, and this time he does bark out a short cough-cough, stubbornly swallowing again. ) But you can't yell at me for this part.

( and that same free hand lifts now, shaky and weak, extending out across the clearing toward nothing in particular. it's not sustainable, not until wei ying adjusts his legs, drags one up bent so he has something to prop his arm on - but then he waits.

seconds pass - four, five, six of them - and that's when they start to appear. small murky clouds, not unlike those which jiang cheng saw at nightless city but far less imposing, appear from amongst the trees in all directions. mostly from town, of course. that's where most of the spirits linger. they converge on the two of men now, though wei wuxian only halfway notices - his eyes have closed, focusing on calling them at cost of everything else - at least until the first of those little dark spirit-clouds reaches his palm and disappears into it, the rest following suit all too readily. with wei ying leaning against him, jiang cheng likely feels the newfound tension it lends him, more the tension of a taut bowstring than an overworked muscle. wei ying isn't breathing now, either, but that's fine. he doesn't need to, not until he lets his hand drop back into his own lap and pulls in a slow experimental breath to speak. )

Now we wait, ( he says. it sounds steadier already, and his grip on jiang cheng's hand isn't so weak as it was a minute ago. ) For the end to this. Is that better?

[legbreakings]

It's... [ He sucks in a sharp, wet, teary breath and what wants to escape him is a sob, but he can't go and cry all over Wei Wuxian, he can't, not when he is already demanding so much more of him than he should ever have asked for. ] I didn't yell at you [ is all he manages to choke out.

And he had wanted to yell when the black clouds started to appear, he had wanted to yank Wei Wuxian away and unleash Zidian on them when the first one was sucked into his hand - but all he had done was gone very still and very stiff as he watched, wide-eyed and finally fully realizing what his childish demand was costing Wei Wuxian.

But he is still not sorry - not sorry enough, at least, to tell him to stop or to undo it. Not sorry enough to let him go any sooner than he needs to.

So he simply clings to Wei Wuxian as much as he dares cling when he is so weak and injured, and reaches out to fuss with a strand of his hair. ] Then we wait. I will... I will take you hunting when you are better, I really will. It will be like before, when we were children. And I'll help you stop being afraid of Blossom, so you can visit more easily. A-Jie is happiest when we are all together, you know!